Procrastination

I notice you’ve fallen into my habit of quoting Amjad and Munajjid. I do that because they’re pretty far apart in terms of their methodology and outlook so it gives a sense of the range of opinion in Islam. Sometimes the range is quite large, sometimes less so.



I remember reading in either Time or Newsweek a couple months ago about groups in America that are seeking acceptance for first-cousin marriages. If that’s coming to be the American view, then it makes more sense to focus on the “forced” part not the “cousin” part of these marriages.



BTW, you said, (Aziz, Zack and Bin Gregory, I’m talking to you)



Why do you have a link and reference to yourself?

Ah, yes I see now. I think there are too many indented quotes. I thought it had gone back to what you were saying.



Yeah, the online resources aren’t that great, and that’s part of why I play that trick. There are certain schools of thought that are very active online, but other schools of thought are not.

for the record, my uncle (who considers himself salafi or something) used muhammed’s marriage to his cousins as justification for why it is good. everything muhammed did is good, ergo you do it. of course, i think that muhammed married non-cousins, and black women (ethiopians) and older women, etc. etc. etc….



in rhode island jewish men can marry their nieces FYI… (south indian hindus also practice this-north indian hindus are very strict exogamists)

Well, the Quran is pretty clear that ordinary men are limited to four wives and that marrying more was a special dispensation for the Prophet (sAas).



The mention of cousin marriages is in Surah al-Ahzab verse 50, which is the verse taken to give the Prophet (sAas) leave to marry as many women as he wishes. I once saw it argued that the cousin marriage should also be considered a privilege only for the Prophet (sAas) because of this verse, but I have never seen any scholar endorse this view.

any scholar would be insane to endorse this view in cultures where half the people (or more) engage in cousin marriage.



also, i can’t find it anymore on the page, but NRO had an article on the importance of the circles-of-cousins in afghanistan, and how that makes warlords marginal in comparison….

First-cousin marriages are allowed in Judaism, and there was one in my family about four generations back. I’m my own fourth cousin, and I’m my father’s third cousin once removed.

i am inlove with one of my cousins. why won’t my parents get married to him??

please email bak and tell me–is marrying a cousin wrong?
he is muslim like i am–his family and my family get on well-but when they found out that we were inlove–they started to ignore each other–it reminds me a little of romeo and juliet–
can someone please email bak and give me some reliable and successful advice on what to do to get my family and his family together again and to make them agre for us to marry ___!!!!!

hi I also was married to a cousin,not of my choice,I think it’s wrong it’felt like Iwas married to my brother,as for children yes their is a risk,I also have other familly marring other cousins never get along efter 1 year or so theirs problems,then with children it makes more also problems,now I’m with someone that the parents made him married a cousin,we love eachother want to start our lifes together ,he dosen’t want her but has to pretend that he cares because if he divorces her it will cause a war between familly .land will be devided fight will happen,still he wants to be with me,he thinks marring cousins is wrong to ,hi’s not happy,getty depressed over all this,I haven’t left him because he won’t let me go ,he thinks God put us together,and this marriege of his is put together by people,we beleave when parents break true love a Gift from God,they are doing wrong they not thinking of their child happyness ,just they care for money and land,tell me is this right?when they break their son’s heart and the one he loves for money,money is the rule of all evil.
no one can learn to love someone it has to come from the heart.It’s a Gift,I know this by experience,25 years of marrige to a cousin never being happy feeling empty,always something massing from my heart my life,theres more to this story,but just for now I’m giving you a idea of what set up marrieges are about,simcerlly adelia P.S and he his a muslim.

hi I also was married to a cousin,not of my choice,I think it’s wrong it’felt like Iwas married to my brother,as for children yes their is a risk,I also have other familly marring other cousins never get along efter 1 year or so theirs problems,then with children it makes more also problems,now I’m with someone that the parents made him married a cousin,we love eachother want to start our lifes together ,he dosen’t want her but has to pretend that he cares because if he divorces her it will cause a war between familly .land will be devided fight will happen,still he wants to be with me,he thinks marring cousins is wrong to ,hi’s not happy,getty depressed over all this,I haven’t left him because he won’t let me go ,he thinks God put us together,and this marriege of his is put together by people,we beleave when parents break true love a Gift from God,they are doing wrong they not thinking of their child happyness ,just they care for money and land,tell me is this right?when they break their son’s heart and the one he loves for money,money is the rule of all evil.
no one can learn to love someone it has to come from the heart.It’s a Gift,I know this by experience,25 years of marrige to a cousin never being happy feeling empty,always something massing from my heart my life,theres more to this story,but just for now I’m giving you a idea of what set up marrieges are about,simcerlly adelia P.S and he his a muslim.

I have one question,what can I do about the one I love.special when I know his very unhappy in this marriege?please send me a email giving me some advice,I have been with this man for 4 years,to many times got hurt because of his problems back home,but still I’m waithing for him to fix this problem as he ask me to,so that someday we will be happy together,I have told him to leave me and go make a life with his cousin,he dosen’t want to leave me,his very jealous of me,don’t know what to do,as for marring me I don’t think his cousin would alound.simcerly adelia

Leave him or become his second wife. He’s married, and obviously more concerned with ‘doing his duty’ than with you. This sort of marriage isn’t based on Islam, but happens more often than not. It sounds as though he wants to have both his wife and you after him.

I dont think that marrying cousins is the issue here, the issue is being made to marry someone that you dont want to marry - cousin or non cousin.I personally couldnt marry my first cousin cos it would feel like im married to my brother. That is my preference. As for the comment above by Zack about blind following of the Salafi. I would like to point out that Allah has allowed the marriage of cousins so who are we to say its wrong. Salafis dont exactly go around saying everyone must marry cousins as i see more of it going on in Hanifi circles. I would also like to point out that not all couin marriages are disasters either. Allah knows best. May He guide us all onto His Straight Path and guide us and our families to make the decision that pleases Him the most. Insha allah.

Hi,

I really enjoyed reading this blog, its one of the many which I have come across which is not only informative but allows me to see whats permitted and not permitted in Islam.

I still have a question, although I would never marry a first cousin, but I dont object to others if both parties love each other a lot. However what are the views about distant cousins, would these be approperiate compared to a first cousin marrige if both parties loved each other aswell?

Many thanks,

TheBoy
(I prefer not to give my name)

I was wondering, is there any Hadith or quote in Islam about the blessing of cousins marrying eachother? I heard once that their marriage (or wedding) is made in Heaven. Is this true?
PS. I would prefer something from the Hanafi Fiqq.

Just want to know more about this matter want to marry some one in family if some body who can provide me acceptable evidence of what is good for my futre family By Islam prespective and Biologically tooo email me plz

Not all cousin marriages are disasters. In fact I have 4 cousin pairs who have got married to each other. I somehow never had to worry about it for myself, since there were no cousin girls around who were around my age. But the advantages of cousin marriages would be: keeping the money in the family, strengthening the bond between families. Usually, cousins (boys and girls) know each other better than they know strangers- especially in South Asian and MiddleEastern countries. Hence, a feeling of liking may develop between cousins, since they know each other well, which may lead to marriage.

marrying your first cousin is allowed isn’t it?
Ive talked to a priest & he told me that it is allowed for Christians though there are many circumstances. He also told me it wasn’t a sin. So, can we get married legally? where? ive read some in US but not quite sure… & is it true that our children would be affected or it just depends? please email me back… thankz

well taking into view the recent developments in genetics,it has been proved that the risk of birth defects was exaggerated and it is perfectly normal to marry a cousin. There is plenty of evidence regarding the issue. Even CNN broadcasted a report flaying the US prohibition on cousin marriage with valis evidence. Medical students might understand my point. If a heterozygous gene is crossed with a homozygous gene,we will get a 3:1 ratio and one in every 4 offsprings has a defect. Since we cannot find out wheteher a gene is homozygous or heterozygous, we cannot simply prohibit the act itself. Medically it has been proved that cousin marriages are okay. Islam allows cousin marriages,some people quote the hadith encouraging people to marry outside the families. The only reason for that was to minimize the tribal warfare by marriying between tribes. In the middle ages the catholic church prohibited cousin marriages so that the wealth did not stay with one family only. We cannot say that it was for health reasons as the royal family was exempted from the law to protect their assets. Currently half the states of america prohibit it. If it were that serious a reason why do the rest of the states,canada,all of the EU allow it? Its mere ignorance,remember theres no cure for stupidity. Thats all i have to say

Well many historical figures were products of cousin marriages,they were exceptional people. Saudi Arabia has an inefficient health department. There is a high incidence of genetic disease in japan where cousin marriages arent common. Its because of the nuclear radiation emitted by the crater formed by the nuclear blasts in world war 2. The halflife of the element is passing but it is still there and it emits radiations. Saudi Arabia has a different story to tell.Here in pakistan,cousin marriage is VERY common yet the defect rate is much lesser and like i said before,if it was that serious an issue,it would be banned in all of the usa,canada,australia and the EU countries. Its not,its time to step out of ignorance,we must realize that the earlier predictions by the western world were wrong. Such baseless laws should be abolished

I was wondering out of those that have had babies together and are first cousins, are most of those babies healthy, or no?

its healthy,the risk of genetic disorder in non related couples is about 2%-2.5% while in cousins it is 3%-3.5% which isnt much of a difference. The rates of miscarriage are lesser in cousins which is yet to be found out why.

i totally think that arranged marriages are wrong for the simple reason that 5/10 girls are not happy but can’t speak ouy beacause they want to keep their parents izat high. im only 16 though i have had a hreat deal to learn in the last five years with my two sisters. i think parent need to get in the 21st century and learn that their brothers sons and daughters are not for us!!!!!!!

I agree with your point there. Im toally against forced marriages. It is a descision which the person him/herself should make. I know its a tradition in the middle east as well as Pakistan to force interfamily marriages for the prevention of the distribution of land and wealth. Im totally against that but the case im talking about is different. My case is that i love my cousin and she wont agree cause its illegal in half of america to marry a cousin,and im just proving that law as incorrect.

i dissagree with all forced/ aranged marriages and agree with salam it is totaly up the two people in question because otherwise everyone is bitter and unsatisfied, my advice to girls in situations such as these is get out of them quick before something bad happensxxx
goodluck in escaping!

I am inlove with my first cousin is it wrong troughout the Bible there is first cousin marriages

Hello
I come from a very traditional muslim paki family. I have a delima. I currently live in the US where cousin marriages are taboo. My delima is that i am have three cousins whom their parents have passed away. The oldest one is engaged to be married with one of my cousins. The middle one who is 2 yrs younger than me is “promised” to me. The yougest cousin is “promised” to another cousin of mine. All of them are female and my grandparents who have become guardians have forced that this is to be done. I, being an american, living in a society where this is considered taboo, and not to mention that the state that i live in has laws against first cousin marrigaes. I understand the reasoning explained by parents on my grandparents decision. They claim that since they have no imediate family other than themseleves the best possible outcome is for cousin marriages. But then again i just don’t seem to like the idea that she still is my first cousin.
Now, i will be traveling to pakistan to make contact with this person, whom i never met before.
please advise a confused muslim brother?

the bible nor the quran prohibit it,i think one should do it IF he or she WANTS to,forcong someone is injustice

hello.. anyone… please answer if you’re there….

i too am in love wid ma first cousin nd we have just told our parents abt it nd her parents r totally against it but we r seriosly in love for the last 4 years now nd i just want to know abt havi kids wat r the possibilities of us havin deofrmed chidren…

I am in love with my father’s younger brother’s daughter(she is his third child) . At first I was feeling guilty for it is not happening at present world in India.When I asked GOD in prayer HE showed me (Gen-24:48).She too loves me very much.When I told to my parents they are deadly against it. They are worried about society.Since I got verses from Bible , and I belive bible as word of GOD,I am sure that on the appointed day GOD will make us live together(marriage).Because of confidence in GOD I promised her by witnessing GOD that I love and will love her only till my life on earth.Also I accepted her as my wife infront of GOD.Now our parents are not allowing us to meet and talk as we earlier used to.It is very difficult for me to stay away from her because Iam remembering her a lot. I am not able to concentrate in my studies or in any thing.I am having fear of getting bad name when my marriage will take place with her.If marrying a cousin is not sin in sight of God then why society objects? In my case GOD only lead me to this.
PLEASE REPLY.

Im looking for a marriage of at least 20 to 40 Female or divorce.Im looking for a Kind reliable woman to have a family with.she is,Honest,Pretty,Seriouse,sense of humor,
Confident,like to make a holiday,to rejoice in the life.if she is Finacially support or european cityzenship give me.she is realy good and forgot the past life and most of us pay lip service in the life.and share everything about ourself in the life.love is put into so many different things.she is come to sometime in disguise to offer us help or advise give me.Im male 25 years live in Pakistan.
My character:Intelligent,Kind,Tender,Honest,Loving,Seriouse,sense of humore,
hard_working,Buisness mind,Im currently employed in Pakistan.
I want to liege life partner.Im explore liege life partner.Always I shall keep to Pleasure in the life.so always,you will be look for me Angel.and you,re always live in my Heart and always on my mind.Life hands us many different things,good and bad,one of the greatest Gift we receive is the love of a good life partner.I belive that is the great gift of God.and I hope that it will be ourlife pleasure to very nice.and we will share our thoughts and lonely life.that will life must be kind and sincere,happy and full of cheer.My angel,Im searching you,Around the World from North to South and East to West,Day and Night.I shall find you my Angel.because,love is a sweet thing,and love will find away.love is lawless,and love begets love.my Angel life,s to short to love like that.but I will,a room in your heart.
The World is cold,and I need a liege life partner to hold.My Angel I shall pick you any place in the World.my sweet heart Angel must.I hope God we will meet very soon be as one together as we once had been.I shall begain again new life and lonly get to spend a couple of day in the new life.if you be my Angel and you can keep peaceful with me.Then please, dont hesitate to write to me.I belive that is the great Gift of God.I shall reply to all.
My Angel contact from my Heart,looking forward to her from you soon,waiting for your,s life partner.E_mail:doorian_pk@hotmail.com

salaam i am 20 years old. i love a girl who happens to be my cousin. she is my mothers younger sisters daughter.she also loves me very much and the circumstances are such that we both cant even think to live without each other we both want to marry each other. islam allows marraige between cousins but there is a high risk of genitic problems caused in the offsprings. she stays in saudi and i stay in india we are in love since childhood we know each other than anyone else. we are used to it and the conditions are such that we will almost be ruined if we dont marry. her parents are totally against us as it is she stays in another country and her parents have stopped her from calling me i am distressed and sad i cant do anything i cant even study or concentrate on work either. i would really appreciate you if you would help me take out solution and marry her
regards
your friend sahir

I don’t know what to say.but
it’s not like u all going to agree with me,however i just wanted to say that what is wrong with getting married to cousins?

in fact i’m actually in love with my first cousin?
is that going to be a problem?
i’m mean as i was told not all cousin marriage is a disaster…or genetics problems?

please write me bak… i’ll wait to hear from you all
thanks.

there this guy I know that wants to marry his 7th cousin she is in his family by marriage could you please let me know if marrying 7th cousin is really cousins… I really need to know so I can tell him…if it is blood kind at all.thank u Country

hello,im so much inlove with my first cousin and he is to me too..we are both now divorced ang a mature age people..we are thnking of getting married.. his ex wife is giving us a hard time about our relationship..(lover)he is far away from me but he visited me here where i am once and he is coming back very soon..his ex wife has written to all our family member about our realationship in details to make everyone angry,but its the opposite on what she has been expecting because nearly all our family has given their blessing .. the only thing im worried about is my two childrens,they are now adult but im sure they wont understand how we feel..beacause when they met my cousin they did not like him at all…
i really do love him and i told him i will stand by him no matter what..
please give me advice about this.. i know some of my brothers and sisters will go againts this marriage too..please help me what do i do…… i cannot live without him and he is to me too…

how can i explain to my childrens (both adults)that im in love with my first cousin…and intending to marry eachother….

There is nothing wrong with the marriage of cousins. Most of the theories about high risks for genetic diseases in children are just rumors. It’s true, there might be a slight risk in an increase for a certain disease but it’s nothing too severe. Aside from all the false theories about genetic defects, some believe that marriage between cousins is a form of incest. Incest, in reality, has nothing to do with your cousins, it refers only to your immediate family. Thus, there are no realistic problems in a marriage between cousins.

country: 7th cousins? I’m surprised they even know they’re 7th cousins… 7th cousins have a common set of great-great-great-great-great-great-grandparents, which means their common ancestors lived at least 100 years ago (but probably much longer). I’m sure there are thousands, if not millions, of 7th cousins who are married that don’t even know they are related. so that’s perfectly acceptable…

i recently took a class On islam at my university . it is taught by a muslim professor originally from pakistan who is a very learned man , he is on one of the top california islamic commitees taches in many unviersities and hes on the part of the islamic courts. He in our leacuture cleard the notion of “cousins marrying cousins” unlawful and used the Koran to cite evidence. i would like to know why are there so many different views by scholars and commonors on the same issues..my own boy friend is islamic and he is isnt completely sure about many islamic laws and interprets them in a different way than the teachers or other islamic people. i would like to know if the koran is open to many different interpretaions and if yes then how can this issue be solved? email me at shefali13@gmail.com thankyou. just trying to get me more educated about islam .

most of my moms family married thier cousins, my grandparents(moms side)are cousins.I accually married my cousin. We have been married for six years. We have three wonderful children together, all of them are healthy. I live in california and I never tell anyone I meet that we are cousins even close friends because I know their reaction. They’ll think were grose and crazy. I didn’t think there was anything wrong when we got married, because I made the dicision to marry him. It’s impossible to say it’s against religion because we were married by the priest. I have been worried lately though because I’ve been hearing from my family back in my country that there is a disease caused by cousin marrieges. One or two of my family members went to the doctor because they had a medical problem and the doctor told them they have that disease. I’m not sure if there telling the truth or if they falsly diagnosed their problem.

Hi Abhishy , I read about ur problem and I just felt like sharing that even I have a same issue . I am wondering if u r still interested to get married to ur cousin .Please respond asap on this mail id peoplewhoreallylove@gmail.com..
I have a way out and for that I need someone who is in similar situation …Wish u havent giveup till yet …

Aslaamualaykum

well i am married with my cousine ans Mashallah He is more understanding more sensible and he knows what is his responsibilities and he is 3 years younger then me. Im British and he’s Pakistani,,, he sometimes feel so lucky that i have got a brilliant hubby….. people who think that marrying your cousine is a sin or bad thing well i strongly disagree with that, but yes i do disagree with force marraiges aswell as its haraam in our MAZHAB ALLAH HAFIZ

Hi
I’ve just read this site and feel quite scared and worried cause of the cousin- marriadge thing.
Because I am married with my aunts son(who is my first and only- borned -maskuline cousin). But the thing is that my husbands parents are also cousines. In other words my aunt married to her aunts son. I m feeling confused cause I dont want to cause my children any harm and at the same time I know that my husband loves me ….PLZ GIVE ME A REPLY…

i’m christian not a muslim, my cousin and i felt in love for many years evers since i was in my teenage years. our family disagreed with our emotion grows, so they really try to take as apart. In that long distance, I conceived a child but not marry the man and he also had a child but not marry the woman because of uncertainties. We thought in that way we could forget each other but it worsen our situation. We suffered for a forbidden love and discrimination. Just lately, we met in coincidence and intimately done romantic moves. Whatever we do ,we have no chance to get marry coz its contrary to our tradition and culture. I STRONGLY AGREE TO COUSINS MARRIAGES BUT NOT FORCE MARRIAGES…..THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS “LOVE IS THERE”

I am from South India and have been reading the information that several websites have - it is very misleading. I am certainly not representing those who love each other or how closely related they are – If you are in love, you are already in trouble and that is always true irrespective of the relation tree !!! So far as the Hindu tradition is concerned, YES, it is correct that cousin marriage is/was practiced in India however it does not happen between parallel cousins….its worser than a taboo or like an incest to even talk about parallel cousins getting married in India (and this applies to paternal and maternal side). For eg. I am never going to be allowed to marry my father’s brothers kids or my mother’s sisters kids – if I even talk about it, I stand a good chance of getting thrown out… Marriages are arranged or agreed upon after they match horoscopes and one of the parameters is what is called the ‘Gothra’ or lineage in the fathers side - Same Gothra means same blood or blood relatives - The girl and the boy are expected to have a different Gothra if not they are normally not even considered for a match. The so called cousin marriage is normally first cross cousins (though it is kind of close) or something to the length of second cross cousin or more (often seen as a distant one) Marrying a first cross cousin is slowly going out of fashion because of how much a pain these uncles and aunts can be (can’t even imagine how miserable my life would be having them as my in laws as well – that’s my personal opinion though). The reason that the US claims as proof is that products of cousin marriages would be genetically messed up – the irony is that today a lot of the technology folks – whom the US itself has certified as suitable/best for brain drain working out of India and in the US are probably products of cross cousin marriage….…..I personally think it is only right for a country like the US to respect cultures after due understanding (26 states allow first cousin marriage, but others don’t – which itself is so ironical and divided in a country like the US) and try to understand the facts properly rather than simply discriminate other or impose a different culture.. Yes there are laws in the US against first cousin marriage except in 26 states. From the literature I have read, there are no known laws against marrying second cousins or greater….other than folks sitting on forums and claiming it as incest and what not….

I must admire your effort to seek truth. You have pointed to important points and have provided excellent references. If we notice, these references are neither scatterd and nor do they contradict each other. As a matter of fact, these very nicely fit together to conform a much broader message. Leaving room and priviledges for the Prophet. 4:22-24 had already been revealed at the time of the reveleation of 33:50. Which complements 4:22-24 and the context established around 33:50. If you notice 33:49 does not address “Prophet”, it addresses

33:49: O, You People who have graced yourself with the accpetance of this message OR - O ye people who believe.
33:50: You, you the prophet, (To create the contrast)
33:51: Again addresses the Prophet in continuation of 33;50, authorizing whichever “of them(F)” he wishes to keep - he may.

Now where you are seeking more explaination:
1. Salim’s point: 4:23
Among the prohibition list of 4:23 there is no mention of ‘cousins ‘. Neither in prohibited list nor on approved list.
Please note, there is no mention of maried women as mentioned in 4:24 and no mention of “whom your fathers married” as in 4:22.

2. Mashhood’s point 4:24
004.024 “except for these, all others are lawful” (please see below)?

4:23: is a list of major prohibition.
4:23, does not mention Maried women, or whom your fathers married for this reason, it is covered in 4:22 and 4:24
covers maried women. Here word “EXCEPT” in 4:24 is limited to what is said in the first part of 4:24 - which is do not marry, maried women.

So far cousins are neither prohibitied and are nor approved. When we arrive at
http://openburhan. pak.net/ob. php?sid=33&vid=50

We see additional restrictions. Here is the verse, let us ponder together with sincerity, my objective is to learn together. Specially Some of you have an excellent command over English language. Let us pray for the guidance of Allah Talla.

You, you the prophet, that We, We permitted/allowed for you
* your wives/spouses those who you gave their rewards (dowries),
* and what your right (hand) owned/possessed from what God bestowed upon you,
* and your paternal uncles’ daughters,
* and your paternal aunts’ daughters,
* and your maternal uncles’ daughters,
* and your maternal aunts’ daughters, who (F) emigrated with you,
* and a believing woman if she presented herself to the prophet, if the prophet wanted that He marries her,
This (the above permission) is specially for you, not for the (rest of) believers (**);
We had known (***) what We had commanded/imposed/ stipulated on them in their wives and what their right (hands) owned/possessed, so that strain/blame/ sin not be on you, and God was/is forgiving, merciful.

I have identified the woemen with an (*), “the holy prophet” could marry according to this verse. Then It says “This is specially for you, not for the (rest of) believers (**); “

After this part Allah Taala points out the additional laws which have been established in Al-Nisa (chapter 4) about the additional prohibition list, which we just read.

We need to ponder, is marrying with cousins OK, if yes then how should we interpret “خَالِصَةً لَّكَ مِن دُونِ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ” - Which says “This is specially for you, not for the (rest of) believers (**); “

My husband wishes to marry my maternal first cousin sister. please advise if this is permissible in Islam.

Thank you

abishy i share the same i am inlove with my cousin and he is my fathers first cousin son he is my life and he shares the same view, but i dont understand why we cant be together he is always going to be the love of my life

You people are sick, a cousin is like your brother/sister, i mean your parents are siblings, you share grandparents with these people and at minimum 1/2 all your ancestors, its pretty sick, the same grandfather and grandmothers blood flows through your veins, its a close relationship.

I love my cousin sisters and brothers, but to look at them in that way? EWWW thats so sick I would rather die, it creates problems and funny looking kids, look at the Pakistanis in England, 13% more likely to have sick kids due to high inbreeding.

Its a silly old tradition that must die, look at the muslim world, so sick unhealthy and uneducated.

hi
my problem is that i’m engaged to my cousin whose mother is my dad’s sister and whos father is my mom’s brother. my parents too are first degree relative. both of my grandmothers were real sisters. my youngest brother had some neurological disorder. he could not carry out any of the daily life activity on his own. we tried really hard to cure him but none of the doctors were even capable of figuring out a correct diagnosis for him. unfortunately he died when he was just 6 years old. now i dont know whether it would be safe for me to marry my cousin?? the doctors used to advise my parents not to marry any of us within our family as the chances of such births might double or tripple.

I’m a 16 year old girl and was forced into performing a Nikkah with my first cousin who is 11 years older than me. I have hated him my whole life with very good reason and the only reason I was pressurised into this was because my father had promised his brother back when I was 10 years old so that he could get British citizenship. It’s sickening and wrong and I have been given an ultimatum, where I have to either marry him and keep my father, or back out of it and my father beaks all ties with me. I just have to say that this is a terrible thing for anyone to have to suffer, and at 16 years of age you feel like yuou have nobody you can turn to - in all honestly, I’m still a child, and despite my mother supporting me, there’s nothing she can do due to fearing what my Dad will do.

On the other hand, my other cousin and I have loved each other for a long time and are both totally distraught, as heis being forced to marry the sister of the boy I was made to marry. We’re both in the same situation and it’s killing us. I just want to say, that cousin marriages are not wrong, neither are arranged marriages, but forced marriages are below the belt and inhumane. Now we both have to mak a very tough desicion and neither of us know how to do it. He’s not allowed to talk to me on the phone and I can’t call him, so there is no way for us to talk either.
Girls in forced marriages feel completely alone and fragile. Marriage between cousins is not forbidden, and we should stop worrying about deformed babies because Allah can give you healthy babies or deformed babies regardless of who you marry. I think we all need to sort something out about forced marrages because I feel suicidal, broken and alone, and I know for a fact I’m not the only one. Please, can somebody tell me what I should do. Please don’t say that you cannot commment because you don’t know me, because I need some shred of advice or help or something, or I may just lose all hope. Please.