I advise you Maxim do not become unequally yoked. I as well am a Christian, 21 years old, born again and walk a very narrow path to what Jesus Christ has called us to. Marry a woman who knows the salvation of our Lord. If you haven’t committed your life to Jesus I advise you to do this. If you do, you would not marry anyone other than a believer and follower of the true living God. Many blessings to you from our Lord.

-Kari
Facebook: soldout.forchrist@yahoo.com

I simply said that I don’t like the way that it arranged marriages are conducted in modern times through intimidation, fear tactics, etc.

I think arranged marriage is a nice idea but the reality is very very different. Mostly people agree to these marriages is because they lack confidence, are timid and afraid of doing things on their own – they are highly codependent on their community specially parents. A lot of the times parents use this guise ‘they know better’ to emotionally blackmail their children into these setups, I feel that people enter these marriages to please the parents and are unlikely to question the happiness of their relationships with their spouses for the very same reasons they enter these marriages. Hence you have lower divorce rates, not everything is as it seems. Parents motivations are driven by desire of control over their children, they have this ingrained idea that somehow their children ‘owe’ them something, I do not find this attitude among parents of other races specially the white race. Most people enter arranged marriages out of silent fear and they are usually content or resigned that ‘this is all they will get’ – sad but true in a of cases, amazing what people will do if they are afraid, how do you think North America controls it people – fear? terrorists? imaginative flu? different idea but same mechanism. In addition most people in arranged marriages tend to be lazy : they do not want to work at acquiring someone, why should they? when everything will given to them on a silver platter. Most people in arranged marriages are subtly coerced emotionally into these arrangements : there is relentless pressure to conform, you can say ‘NO’ but you will soon run out of time the with every ‘NO’ the pressure to say ‘YES’ to someone mounts exponentially. At the end of that day when all the dust has settled it is your life and you have to live it, not your parents and not your community, and for heaven sakes people, you only have one life, make the best of it. Please do not marry because arranged marriage is lot more convenient, specially for the guys, they don’t have to do anything, seriously this is true.

A lot of the times it is argued that ‘love will come later’ : NO it will not, what will come is this : convenience, getting used to someone’s poor habits, financial dependency and codependent attitudes. People in arranged marriages get ‘used’ to each other, they don’t know what love is, they have never known such an emotion and probably never will.

I went through this arranged marriage selection process and I have never felt so worthless in my entire life, the girls that I met had absolutely no personalities and were ready say yes to anyone who can take them out of places like India or Pakistan. Somehow I got the feeling that they will say yes to be regardless of how they really felt because these girls had no other choice – living in poor third world countries and only chance of not living there is to marry up, if not me someone else will come along. It’s a sad setup and very depressing to say the least. I cannot imagine living with these women, they are doormats basically, and will do whatever you tell them – pretty boring way to live your life, have to say. The arranged meetings are a freakin joke – people are too tense and nervous to talk about anything, you cannot know someone in five minutes, or even five meetings for that matter. Besides dating is lot more fun even if there is heartache involved.

A lot of comments mention that western ideal of marriage is based on looks, I am sorry my experience at university and work life has taught me otherwise, looks are important but it does not last very long and being an eye-candy only will get you anywhere. (Don’t get me wrong though being an eye-candy WILL open doors for you but you got to back it up with substance). I found a lot of girls in college are driven to find a good-looking mate but as soon as university is out they are looking for the well-to-do man, guys in college should be smart, work on your career and keep dating of secondary importance. If you have money women come to you, you don’t have to chase them (source : personal experience)

Lastly : A lot of white women here crying over their boyfriends dumping them for arranged marriages : move on man ‘there are plenty of fish in the sea’, that’s life – shi* happens, deal with it. The guys you were with were losers, but I cannot say it was not your fault, if he was dating you in hiding, without telling his parents : RED FLAGS, BIG MOTHER F****** RED FLAGS.

For Indian / Pakistani guys : It’s your life, not your parents, make a choice.