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جمعرات 19 فروری 2004Thursday, February 19, 2004
Weeks 2-3
We don’t know when our baby was conceived. Actually, we have a vague idea. Since we live in different states, we can narrow down the dates to when I was home in Jersey. That comes out to be the thanksgiving weekend from Nov 27–30. But we can’t be more precise because we live apart. So it could have been any one of those days.
You see the conception of our baby was an accident. No, that’s not correct. It was conceived in indifference. Amber has PCOS and PCOS means infertility. So a long time ago, we stopped using any birth control. Condoms after all take the fun out of sex. And the only time we got pregnant before was in 1996 which ended in a miscarriage.
So, hear nutcase relatives of mine (you know who you are), God wasn’t punishing us (by not giving us any kids) for using birth control like you thought. Stop being so crazy and judgmental.
On the other hand, I can’t say that the baby is unwanted or unplanned. We were thinking about a baby and were ready to have one. Our plans just called for this to happen a couple of months and thousands of dollars later.
If you have read Amber’s post, you might wonder if our perspectives are completely different. They were. Amber has always wanted a baby while I have been, ahem, indifferent. However, both of us have been getting closer to the other’s viewpoint recently. This pregnancy is the result.
Posted by Zack at February 19, 2004 12:20 AM in Pregnancy
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» Happy Thanksgiving from Procrastination
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. Enjoy your turkey! Last year, I had to fly home to spend thanksgiving with Amber. This year not only are we together, we have got Michelle with us. That reminds me, Michelle was conceived last year over... [Read More]
Tracked on January 24, 2005 12:02 AM
» Happy Thanksgiving from Procrastination
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. Enjoy your turkey! Last year, I had to fly home to spend thanksgiving with Amber. This year not only are we together, we have got Michelle with us. That reminds me, Michelle was conceived last year over... [Read More]
Tracked on December 3, 2005 11:29 PM
Comments
Posted by: Ejaz Asi (49 comments) at February 19, 2004 1:35 AM
I couldn’t help but notice where Zack says: The only time that we got pregnant before (emphasis added). Unless you had morning sickness, brother, you weren’t the one that was pregnant ;-) ;-) ;-) Just teasing. :-)
Posted by: Al-Muhajabah (260 comments) at February 19, 2004 7:26 AM
wuzup with the anti-birth control relatives??? muslims are against birth control???
Posted by: razib (110 comments) at February 19, 2004 5:58 PM
Ejaz: Interesting. Some readers found the entry a bit strange.
Al-Muhajabah: If I was in the head each morning feeling nauseous while Amber vomitted, I feel I am entitled to be called pregnant. :-)
On the other hand, obviously Amber is the one feeling all the ill-effects.
razib: There are varying opinions among Muslims. This Salafi/Wahabi site says it is permitted but not a good idea. Others consider it OK.
Among regular folk, I have seen all kinds of opinions. The sort I mentioned in the post think birth control is against God’s will or something. The other side is probably defined by people like me who see no big problem with abortion (not exactly true in my case; I have issues with 3rd trimester abortions.)
There is an interesting convergence happening nowadays. In addition to a global Islam, we are seeing a global religious conservatism as well. Some Muslim fundamentalists have adopted ideas from Christian fundamentalism. Examples would be Creationism, anti-abortion and anti-birth-control. Traditional Muslim doctrine on these matters was much more flexible, but now more and more people are adopting the fundamentalist Christian positions. Harun Yahya reads a lot like the standard creationist texts, for example.
Posted by: Zack (1792 comments) at February 19, 2004 7:21 PM
Congrats Zack. Big changes ahead that is for sure. I watched this show on cable a few months ago that was on pregnant dads. And apparently there is a real phenomenon of dads getting pregnancy symptoms. Not just phantom, pseudo stuff, but the real deal. There are some hormonal changes and stuff that happen so I reckon you’re entitled to call yourself pregnant. Mind you, to really appreciate the experience, I think you should press a big brick on your bladder and try to sleep through the night bwaaahahhahahaha.
As for birth control stuff, there is a fascinating academic work: Musallam, Basim. Sex and Society in Islam: Birth Control Before the Nineteenth Century.
Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 1983 that is worth a read for those interested in the topic. You’d be amazed what those medieval bods thought about birth control (even a minority position permitting early abortion as a form of contraception).
Cheers
Maryam
Posted by: Maryam (8 comments) at February 19, 2004 8:30 PM
Congratulations! To both of you on expecting a baby. I think in this modern day and age, educated people should do what they think is right. Hell off to the relatives. They are just being Jealous of your loving marriage. I have seen even close relations being criticize on such situations in all societies. I live with diverse group of population; sometimes people who are dependent on others (financially) have kids, just to please them. In the end they become more powerless; I think that’s their intentions in the first place.
Ref: Since we live in different states.
Why do you guys live in different States? Is it very hard for computer professionals to find a living in a big city(Atlanta) or in Jersey?
Posted by: Aman (1 comments) at February 19, 2004 8:40 PM
re: birth-control, the shia mullahs of iran had no problem reversing their pro-natalism in the 1990s.
as many of you know, prior to the 20th century even the roman catholic church was OK with abortion-before “quickening.”
Posted by: razib (110 comments) at February 19, 2004 9:01 PM
Maryam: Thanks.
Interesting info about pregnancy symptons in dads.
I think you should press a big brick on your bladder and try to sleep through the night.
:-)
Sex and Society in Islam: Birth Control Before the Nineteenth Century
Seems like a very interesting book. I’ll see if I can find it at a library.
Aman: Thanks.
educated people should do what they think is right. Hell off to the relatives.
I agree.
Why do you guys live in different States?
Amber found a job in Jersey when she finished her Masters. I stayed behind in Atlanta to finish my PhD.
razib: I didn’t know that about the catholic position.
Posted by: Zack (1792 comments) at February 20, 2004 7:46 PM
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This was so, ummm, funny and most interesting/entertaining entry so far. And I can’t wait to see you evolving into something “cool dad” :)