Forced Marriage in Islam: Post #2

Previous Posts of this series: Cousin Marriage and Forced Marriage in Pakistan.

I did some research for this post. Actually, I asked my sister to tell me what Abdur Rahman Al-Jazairi had to say about the topic in his book “Kitab-ul-Fiqh alal-Madhahib al-Arba’a” (Book of fiqh according to the four schools [mentioned in this post] of jurisprudence). So thanks to her as she translated the Urdu text (the original book is in Arabic but my parents have the Urdu translation for the benefit of my Dad and us since my Mom’s mother tongue is Arabic) over Yahoo Messenger.

We’ll start with our friend the modernist Moiz Amjad.

As far as the teachings and recommendations of the Shari`ah regarding a Nikah (marriage) ceremony are concerned, the basic necessary ingredients that should be present in a marriage, according to the recommendations of Islam, are:

  1. Marriage should primarily be a contract that materializes from the expression of the intent of a man and a woman to live the rest of their lives as husband and wife. This contract should be based on the free consent of the man and the woman. In other words, it should not be a temporary contract (i.e. a marital contract for a specified period of time) or one, which is based on coercion and force.
  2. There should be a general declaration of the marriage in the society. Islam does not recognize a secret marital contract. The declaration of the marriage may take any shape or form that is generally adopted in the society. For instance, inviting friends and relatives to the marriage ceremony is an acceptable method of this declaration. Holding two or more persons as witnesses to the marriage contract is also a legislated method for such declaration adopted in various societies and cultures.
  3. The man should give a mutually agreed upon amount as what the Islamic Shari`ah (law) terms as ‘Mehr’ to the woman. The factors that may be considered in the settlement of the amount of ‘Mehr’ include the financial position and the social status of the man and the woman. A woman may refuse marriage merely on the basis of the fact that she considers the amount of ‘Mehr’ to be inadequate. ‘Mehr’ is a basically a token from the man, given to his wife, to express and symbolize the fact that he is willing and capable to fulfill the financial responsibility of the family that would be formed subsequent to the marriage contract. It may be mentioned here that although Islam does not prohibit a woman to take up a financial activity of her choice, yet puts the ultimate responsibility of providing for the family on the husband.

Now that seems simple and reasonable. But we don’t call him modernist for nothing. Let’s now hear from Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid.

There are three pillars or conditions for the marriage contract in Islam:

  1. Both parties should be free of any obstacles that might prevent the marriage from being valid, such as their being mahrams of one another (i.e., close relatives who are permanently forbidden to marry), whether this relationship is through blood ties or through breastfeeding (radaa’) etc., or where the man is a kaafir (non-Muslim) and the woman is a Muslim, and so on.
  2. There should be an offer or proposal (eejaab) from the wali or the person who is acting in his place, who should say to the groom “I marry so-and-so to you” or similar words.
  3. There should be an expression of acceptance (qabool) on the part of the groom or whoever is acting in his place, who should say, “I accept,” or similar words.

The conditions of a proper nikaah (marriage contract) are as follows:

  1. Both the bride and groom should be clearly identified, whether by stating their names or describing them, etc.
  2. Both the bride and groom should be pleased with one another, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No previously-married woman (widow or divorcee) may be married until she has been asked about her wishes (i.e., she should state clearly her wishes), and no virgin should be married until her permission has been asked (i.e., until she has agreed either in words or by remaining silent).” They asked, “O Messenger of Allaah, how is her permission given (because she will feel very shy)?” He said: “By her silence.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 4741)
  3. The one who does the contract on the woman’s behalf should be her wali, as Allaah addressed the walis with regard to marriage (interpretation of the meaning): “And marry those among you who are single…” [al-Noor 24:32] and because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who marries without the permission of her wali, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid.” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, 1021 and others; it is a saheeh hadeeth)
  4. The marriage contract must be witnessed, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no marriage contract except with a wali and two witnesses.” (Reported by al-Tabaraani; see also Saheeh al-Jaami’, 7558)

It is also important that the marriage be announced, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Announce marriages.” (Reported by Imaam Ahmad; classed as hasan in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 1027).

Now who is this wali and why is his consent needed?

The conditions of the wali are as follows:

  1. He should be of sound mind.
  2. He should be an adult.
  3. He should be free (not a slave).
  4. He should be of the same religion as the bride. A kaafir cannot be the wali of a Muslim, male or female, and a Muslim cannot be the wali of a kaafir, male or female, but a kaafir can be the wali of a kaafir woman for marriage purposes, even if they are of different religions. An apostate (one who has left Islam) cannot be a wali for anybody.
  5. He should be of good character (`adaalah —- includes piety, attitude, conduct, etc.), as opposed to being corrupt. This is a condition laid down by some scholars, although some of them regard the outward appearance of good character as being sufficient, and some say that it is enough if he is judged as being able to pay proper attention to the interests of the woman for whom he is acting as wali in the matter of her marriage.
  6. He should be male, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No woman may conduct the marriage contract of another woman, and no woman can conduct the marriage contract on behalf of her own self, because the zaaniyah (fornicatress, adulteress) is the one who arranges things on her own behalf.” (Reported by Ibn Maajah, 1782; see also Saheeh al-Jaami’, 7298)
  7. He should be wise and mature (rushd), which means being able to understand matters of compatibility and the interests of marriage.

The fuqahaa’ put possible walis in a certain order, and a wali who is more closely-related should not be ignored unless there is no such person or the relatives do not meet the specified conditions. A woman’s wali is her father, then whoever her father may have appointed before his death, then her paternal grandfather or great-grandfather, then her son, then her grandfathers sons or grandsons, then her brother through both parents (full brother), then her brother through her father, then the sons of her brother through both parents, then the sons of her brother through her father, then her uncle (her father’s brother through both parents), then her father’s brother through the father, then the sons of her father’s brother though both parents, then the sons of her father’s brother through the father, then whoever is more closely related, and so on —- as is the case with inheritance. The Muslim leader (or his deputy, such as a qaadi or judge) is the wali for any woman who does not have a wali of her own.

So it seems that the bride and the groom have to consent to their marriage. However, the hadith cited by the Sheikh equating silence with consent is misused a LOT in practice. There might be cases where the bride clearly refuses to marry but in most of the the forced marriages she only has to stay quiet. That is a low hurdle and should be unacceptable. There are maulvis/Nikah registrars in Pakistan that insist on a clear verbal reply from the bride. Obviously those are not called for the Nikah ceremony by people bent on forcibly marrying someone.

We will return to the wali issue later. Let’s first hear Moiz Amjad’s clear reply to a woman who had been forcibly married by her parents.

No one, not even the parents, have a right to force marriage upon any boy or a girl. Without the free consent of the woman (as well as the man), a marriage contract would be deemed void. Forcing marriage upon a woman is clearly against the teachings of the Prophet (pbuh).

According to a narrative reported by Abu Dawood, once when a case of forced marriage was reported to the Prophet (pbuh), he allowed the woman (who was forced into marriage) the option to revoke the marriage, if she desired to do so (Abu Dawood, Kitaab al-Nikah, Narrative No. 1797).

The free choice of the woman is a necessary condition for a valid Nikah. In view of this fact, if it is found out that a woman has been coerced into a Nikah, then such a Nikah can be revoked or even invalidated by the competent legal authority.

Nevertheless, considering the fact that you have signed the Nikah contract, you will now have to seek legal help to invalidate the Nikah, if your parents do not accept your basic moral and legal right.

Because you have been forced into marriage, therefore, your apparent husband does not have any moral or legal rights over you, till the time that you give him such rights, with the willingness of your heart. Under the stated circumstances, I do not consider it sinful on your part to refuse talking to him or to seek legal help in revoking the said marriage contract.

Back to the matter of the wali. There is this reply to a question about court marriage on Moiz Amjad’s site:

The Islamic Shari`ah does not prohibit any two adult persons from entering the bonds of marriage. However there are certain conditions, which need to be met. First, the consent of both the male and the female partner is necessary. Second, the Nikah should be declared in the society and must not be kept hidden. The Qur’an guides us that the contract of Nikah should be undertaken in the manner that is recognized, supported and followed by the honorable and noble people of a society. Social norms usually demand a consent and backing from the parents. However, if a parent does not give the right of entering the bond of marriage to their children and shows excessive unfounded resistance then the matter may be dealt as the situation demands. One may, under such circumstances, turn to the court and make the marriage contract there. Nevertheless, the best course would be to do every effort to get the parents’ consent so that the step of going to the court may be avoided.

If wali’s consent is not required, then what is the deal? Here’s how Shehzad Saleem explains it on Moiz’s site (Moiz does not necessarily endorse this opinion).

Islam on the other hand, as mentioned earlier, has always insisted that the institution of family is the basic building block of the society and it is in the interest of humanity to adhere to a family oriented society. Consequently, it has given a number of directives for the protection and preservation of the family.

[…]Among these directives also comes the Prophet’s hadith the interpretation of which has become the centre of controversy these days:

A Nikah does not solemnise unless it takes place through the guardian and if someone does not have a guardian the ruler of the Muslims is his guardian. (Tirmizii Kitaab-un- nikah)

This hadith is actually a corollary of the social directives of Islam pertaining to the institution of family and is based on great wisdom. Since the preservation and protection of the family set up is of paramount importance to Islam, it is but natural that each marriage take place through the consent of the parents who are the foremost guardians. It is obvious that a marriage solemnised through the consent of the parents shields and shelters the newly formed family. For reasons stated earlier, it is essential that the newly formed family be part of another larger family.

However, as is evident from the hadith also, there can always be an exception to this general principle. If a man and a woman feel that the rejection on the part of the parents has no sound reasoning behind it or that the parents, owing to some reason, are not appreciating the grounds of this union, they have all the right to take this matter to the courts of justice. It is now up to the court to analyse and evaluate the whole affair. If it is satisfied with the stance of the man and woman, it can give a green signal to them. In this case, as is apparent from the hadith, the state shall be considered the guardian of the couple. On the other hand, if the court is of the view that the stand of the parents is valid, it can stop the concerned parties from engaging in wedlock. Similarly, if a case is brought before the judicial forums in which the marriage has taken place without the consent of the parents, it is up to the court to decide the fate of such a liaison. If it is not satisfied with the grounds of this union, it can order for their separation and if it is satisfied, it can endorse the decision taken by the couple.

This is the law as far as this issue is concerned. However, it is evident that laws mostly cater for extreme situations as their nature is preventive not reformatory. In other words, they prevent the spreading of anarchy and disorder in a society but have no role in positively building a society on a certain ideology. It is the utmost goal of Islam to build a society in which traditions are so deeply rooted that various affairs are settled and resolved within the social structure without taking them to the courts. Family affairs, if taken to the courts, become the talk of the town and severely damage the standing and reputation of the parties involved. Consequently, it is in the interest of the parties involved to settle their differences mutually by giving due importance to the ultimate goal of protecting the institution of family.

The society which, we believe, Islam wants to build is one in which the relationship between parents and children is based on such norms and values as protect the family set up. In such a society, if an individual has to select a life partner for himself or herself, he or she must make the utmost effort to convince the parents. In differences of opinion it seems proper that the individual accommodate the opinion of the parents as far as possible, and only in extraordinary circumstances should he persist in his decision. An individual no doubt has total freedom in decision making in this regard but he should give top priority to the protection of the institution of family. This freedom is so absolute that Islam disapproves of parents who forcibly marry their sons and daughters and makes it clear that it is the concerned man and woman who have the final say in this regard:

A girl once came to ‘A’isha and said ‘My father has married me to his nephew to alleviate his poverty through me. I dislike him.’ ‘A’isha replied ‘Wait here until the Prophet comes.’ The Prophet arrived shortly and she informed him of the matter. At this, the Prophet sent for her father. When he arrived the Prophet gave the girl the choice to do whatever she liked. She said: ‘I accept my father’s decision. I only wanted to know whether a girl has authority in this regard or not’. (Nisaii, Kitab-un-nikaah)

If in a society envisaged by Islam it is important that an individual give due regard to the opinion of the parents in marriage, it is even more important that the parents be extra cautious in this matter since they hold moral authority over their children. Misuse and abuse of such authority can produce grave consequences. Parents must give deep consideration to the inclinations and tendencies of their children in deciding their future in an affair as delicate as marriage. They should understand that once their children become mentally mature they must not impose their ideas on them.

The Sheikh is more adamant about obeying parents, though he thinks there is some leeway.

Consent is essential in the case of the husband, and also in the case of the wife. The parents have no right to force their son or their daughter to marry someone they do not want.

But if the person whom the parents have chosen is righteous, then the child, whether male or female, should obey the parents in that, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you one with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry (your daughter) to him.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1084; Ibn Maajah, 1967. Classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 865).

But if obeying them will lead to divorce later on, then the child does not have to obey them in that, because consent is the foundation of the marital relationship, and this consent must be in accordance with sharee’ah, which is approval of the one who is religiously committed and of good character.

A child is not considered to be disobedient or sinful if he does not obey his parents in this regard.

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah said: The parents do not have the right to force their child to marry someone whom he does not want, and if he refuses he is not being disobedient towards them, as is the case when he does not eat what he does not want.

Now let us see the Sheikh present some evidence for his case:

It is not permissible for a man to marry a woman without the permission of her guardian, whether she is a virgin or previously-married. This is the view of the majority of scholars, including al-Shaafa’i, Maalik and Ahmad. This is based on evidence which includes the following:

The verses in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “do not prevent them from marrying their (former) husbands” [al-Baqarah 2:232]

“And do not marry Al-Mushrikaat (idolatresses) till they believe (worship Allaah Alone)” [al-Baqarah 2:221]

“and marry those among you who are single” [al-Noor 24:32]

The point here is that these verses clearly stipulate that there be a guardian in marriage, because Allaah is addressing the guardian with regard to the marriage of the woman under his care. If the matter were up to her and not him, there would be no need to address him.

It is indicative of Imam al-Bukhaari’s deep understanding of issues of sharee’ah that he quoted these verses in a chapter which he entitled “Baab man qaala la nikaaha illa bi wali (Chapter on those who say that there is no marriage without a guardian).”

It was narrated that Abu Moosa said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “There is no marriage without a guardian.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1101; Abu Dawood, 2085; Ibn Maajah, 1881. Classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani (may Allaah have mercy on him) in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 1/318)

It was narrated that “Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: Any woman who gets married without the permission of her guardian, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid. But if the marriage is consummated then the mahr is hers because she has allowed him to be intimate with her. If they dispute, then the ruler is the guardian of the one who has no guardian.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1102; Abu Dawood, 2083; Ibn Maajah, 1879. Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Irwa’ al-Ghaleel, 1840)

Secondly: If her guardian prevents her from marrying the person she wants for no valid reason according to sharee’ah, then the role of guardian passes to the next closest relative, so it passes from the father to the grandfather, for example.

Thirdly: if all of her guardians prevent her from getting married for no valid reason according to sharee’ah, then the ruler is her guardian, because of the hadeeth quoted above (“…If they dispute, then the ruler is the guardian of the one who has no guardian”)

Fourthly: if there is no guardian and no ruler, then her marriage is to be arranged by a man who has authority in the place where she is, such as the head of a village, or the governor of a province, and so on. If there is no such person, then she should appoint a trustworthy Muslim man to arrange her marriage.

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: If there is no relative who can act as her guardian, then the position of guardian passes to the one who is most fit among those who have any kind of authority in matters other than marriage, such as the head of a village, the leader of a caravan, and so on.

Ibn Qudaamah said: If a woman does not have a guardian and there is no ruler, then there was narrated from Ahmad that which indicates that her marriage should be arranged by a man of sound character, with her permission.

Shaykh `Umar al-Ashqar said: If there is no ruler of the Muslims, or if the woman is in a place where the Muslims have no ruler, and she has no guardian at all, like the Muslims in America and elsewhere, if there are Islamic institutions in that country that take care of the Muslims’ affairs, then they should arrange her marriage. The same applies if the Muslims have a leader who is in charge or someone who is responsible for their affairs.

So can a woman decide who her wali should be? According to the Sheikh, it depends on whether her closer relative is acting wrongfully or not.

If she wants to marry someone of equal standing, and the wali wants to marry her to a different person of equal standing, and he refuses to marry her to the person whom she wants to marry, then he is preventing her from marrying [wrongfully — ed]. But if she wants to marry someone of different standing, then he has the right to stop her, and in this case he is not preventing her from marrying in the wrongful sense.

[…]If the wali refused to let a woman marry a man whose religious commitment and character are good, then guardianship passes to the next closest male relative on the father’s side, then the next closest and so on. If they refuse to arrange her marriage, as usually happens, then guardianship passes to the qaadi, and the qaadi should arrange the woman’s marriage. If the matter is referred to him and he knows that her guardians have refused to arrange her marriage, then he should do that, because he is the wali in cases where there is no specific wali.

The fuqaha’ (may Allaah have mercy on them) stated that if the wali repeatedly refuses marriage proposals from suitable men, then he is a faasiq (evildoer) and is no longer regarded as being of good character or as being a wali, rather according to the best known view of the madhhab of Imam Ahmad, he also forfeits the right to lead prayers and it is not valid to offer any congregational prayer behind him. This is a serious matter.

Some people, as we have referred to above, refuse offers of marriage from compatible men, but the girl may feel too shy to come to the qaadi to ask for her marriage to be arranged. This is something that does happen. But she should weigh the pros and cons, and decide which has the more damaging consequences, staying without a husband and letting her wali control her life according to his mood or his whims and desires, and when she grows old and no longer wants to get married, then he will arrange her marriage, or going to the qaadi and asking him to arrange her marriage because that is her right according to sharee’ah.

Undoubtedly the second alternative is preferable, which is that she should go to the qaadi and ask him to arrange her marriage, because she has the right to that.

The four schools of jurispendence differ in the details on this aspect. The Hanafis (whose followers are the most numerous) are the most lenient. According to Kitab-ul-Fiqh, an adult woman has the right to marry of her own choice. The wali (guardian) has no say whatsoever if the bride and groom are of equivalent social standing. However, if they are not of equal standing, then the guardian has a very powerful veto. He can not only refuse to marry the woman, he can also get the marriage invalidated within a year of the wedding or before the couple have a child. The other schools (Shaafi, Hanbali and Maliki) are more strict. Some of them allow a veto to the wali in all cases and some allow it only if it is the woman’s first marriage. That means that they consider widows and divorcees to be independent women.

The issues about the consent of the wali have raised their ugly head in Pakistani courts a number of times with different judgements. Here is a description of two such cases:

On 25 September 1996, a single bench of the Lahore High Court consisting of Justice Abdul Hafeez Cheema ruled that a Muslim woman may not marry without the consent of her wali or male guardian – usually the father or grandfather – and that any marriage contracted by her without this consent is void. The judgment implies that men are free to marry or re-marry without anybodys consent except that of the prospective wife while no woman, whatever her age, may validly contract her own marriage without the consent of the wali or act as the wali for her daughter.

The judgment came in cases brought by two women, Ayesha Ijaz of Toba Tek Singh and Shabina Zafar of Faisalabad who had married men of their choice. Their fathers registered cases against the two women alleging that since they had married without their walis consent, the marriages were void and they had committed the offence of zina. The two women then moved the court to have the cases quashed, arguing that they were sui juris (i.e. had the legal capacity to act independently after attaining majority) and competent in law to get married with partners of their choice. The judgement upheld that the couples be prosecuted for zina as the marriages had been consummated. The Supreme Court on 23 October 1996 suspended the judgement following the admission of the appeal; the court returned the women to their fathers custody but restrained the fathers from arranging their daughters marriage to anyone else before a Supreme Court decision. The appeal is still pending.

However, in another similar case, a three-member bench of the Lahore High Court on 10 March 1997 split 2-1 in a majority decision that the consent of the wali is not required for a marriage to be valid. Saima Wahids marriage to Arshad Ahmad had been challenged by her father whose consent she had not obtained when she contracted her marriage. She spent 11 months in a womens shelter for fear that her father might kill her.

The cases have generated extensive debate in Pakistan. Judge Cheemas ruling conflicts with previous judgments which had viewed Muslim marriage as a civil contract between men and women who were free to enter the contract if they had attained puberty and were sui juris and had the marriage performed in the presence of witnesses and on payment of dower by the groom to the bride. Women activists have argued that marriages of Pakistani Muslims are governed by the Muslim Family Laws Ordinance of 1961 which in section 5 dealing with the registration of marriages does not require the consent of the wali. The standard marriage contract, the nikahnama, prepared and printed under the Muslim Family Laws Ordinance, requires only the signature of the bride and groom and of two witnesses and makes no provision for the signature or recording the consent of the wali.

You should also remember that under Pakistan’s laws, a woman convicted of zina (fornication) receives severe punishment.

So what is my opinion of this? Honestly, the Hanafi position does not look lenient at all to me. It all seems so ridiculous. A woman has the full right to marry anyone she chooses to, just like a man does. Obeying and respecting parents is a good idea but marriage is quite frankly a personal matter and parents should not interfere.

Next: Having looked at cousin marriages and forced marriages, I’ll discuss an interesting intersection of the two, arranged marriages.

Author: Zack

Dad, gadget guy, bookworm, political animal, global nomad, cyclist, hiker, tennis player, photographer

105 thoughts on “Forced Marriage in Islam: Post #2”

  1. Commenters Looking for Marriage

    I don’t understand how much interested/desperate some of my commenters are for marriage that they are not only looking for a spouse online, they are asking about it on a page about forced marriage. Here are some samples. SANT5OSH: WANT…

  2. My Dear Muslims Brother and Sisters, All praise to Allah that finally i have found a site that i can truely relate to. I am in a terrible state right now i seek for Allah’s help and guidence all the time. My parents sent me to study in the US and have completed my studies Alhamdulillah. There i met with a very decent American girl whose moral values and character is excellent. She was a born Chriatian but then Allah opened the doors of Islam for her and i introduced her to it. She is Alhamdulillah a few steps away from converting to Islam. I did propose to her to get maried to me and she said yes and also her parents. I Also introdused her to my Parents when they came to visit me. They also found her decent but now that i have come to Pakistan to visit them they a outrightly against this marriage because of cultural differences and them having a good status in the family and society they are afraid of my decision putting them to shame. They put me on a gulit ride everyday and tell me how selfish my decision is and i am willing to take up one person against the rest of the family. They have spent alot of money on my education as well and tells me that my Grandma will die to hear this and that my father might divorce my mother because of my decision and that i should forget abt her and marry a women from the same culture as they know that she is going to stick by me and i will be happy with her. But i know for sure that i am Inshallah going to be happy with the person i have already choosen to be my wife. I know that in Islam i have complete freedom to choose to get married to who ever i want to but i am also scared that by hurting my Mother and Father i wont be forgiven by Allah. And my Parents tell me this over and over again. But i truely luv this person and have already giving her a ring too of which Parents dont know abt. I am in a terrible state of mind and need your help please.

  3. a salaam alaykum

    I am Italian but live in the UK. I am in a similar position to Aamer, as months ago I met the man I would love one day to be my husband. He is from Pakistan and is the most beautiful soul I have ever met.
    I was born Christian but became closer and closer to Islam while growing up and living in the Middle East for a while. I have what I consider decent principles and we love each other so so much. He has just left for Pakistan to visit his family and will tell them about me in the next few days…I am scared to death that they won’t even want to meet me just because of my background. I am not Pakistani but I know I will stick to him forever. I know how important their ultimate decision is and that’s why I am so scared. He loves them very much and I respect him and them a lot. I know he cannot go against them so all I can do now is pray that they will give me one chance to meet them and show them how important their approval is to me. He is the most precious soul I’ve ever encountered and love him with all my heart.
    I have found this site really helpful and interesting. My thirst for knowledge about Islam is growing and I am finding this site very useful. I would like to thank you all.
    Good luck Aamer, I hope all will work out for you inshallah. May god be with you and guide you through this difficult time.

  4. Dear Irene,
    It was so nice to hear that you, too are going through the same as I. I am Aamer’s fiance. You and I share the exact same circumstances. Aamer finally made it back from Pakistan last week (we didn’t think the US would approve his visa-so that alone was a major undertaking). Aamer’s family has flat-out refused our marriage. Even going as far to insult him time and time again. These desperate circumstances are taking a toll, as his family says they will never speak or look at him again. I have desperately tried to let them get to know me, and I have accepted his culture, traditions and beliefs (I recently converted to Islam). Still, his parents don’t care. As far as they are concerned my only intention is to steal their son from them. As far as culture there, it is very different than we are used to. I’m sure you must know that in our culture the family supports children in their happiness, but in Pakistani culture even more important than the child’s happiness is the happiness of the society in general. There is such a fear of “what people will say” that they seem to let that fear claim importance over anything else. I am not trying to scare you, I just want you to be prepared for the worst. At this point Aamer and I don’t know what to do. My father has given him permission to marry me, but he does not want to go foward without his family’s blessing. Therefore, we are stuck. According to Islam we need to marry, but need to marry with family’s permission. Is it more important to marry after a 6 year relationship, or to not marry and obey his parents? We are asking so many Imam’s and it seems we get a different answer everytime. We get no answer after performing Istakhara time and time again. I am so glad I am not alone. If you come up with any ideas please let me know, and I will do the same for you.
    Khuda Hafiz,
    Miranda

  5. Assalamu Alaikum dear Brothers and sisters in Islam & Ramadan Mubarak.

    This is in response to Aamer and Miranda. I was so pleased to hear these story, not because I am happy about your situation but because it showed me that i was not alone. My husband and I are so in love, i never thought I could love anyone like this, but his parents do not approve of our marriage, have refused to meet me and are accusing me of breaking up their families. His mother has already manage to seperate us but after a year, we still very muc in love with each other and miis eachother so bad. My story is exactly the same as Aamer, and I don’t know what to do. I love him so much and I find it impossible to let go of him. I converted to Islam 2 years ago, and all I want is to be a good Muslima for my husband and raise my children making sure their fear Allah and giving them good Islamic value. Lately his mother told him to tell me that if I took him away from her, she will also ask Allah to take a child away from me, and she will curse me. She said I was destroying her life, her son’s life and her family, she said so many horrible things to me, I can’t believe it.
    I just wanted you guys to know, that the only way is through Allah, and that I will make Dhuas for you.

    Salam
    Ameena

  6. I’m hoping someone out there can give me some helpful advice. My fiance and I had been together for almst 3 years up until a month ago. He is Muslim and I was raised a Christian, but am considering converting. Our problem is that his family has never accepted me because I’m not from his home country, and I wasn’t raised a Muslim. A month ago, his family asked him to come home to visit his mother who was sick, and while he was there, was forced into an arranged marriage. He doesn’t want to be with her, and is stuck because he doesn’t want to hurt his family, but in return it’s ruining our lives. They haven’t consummated their marriage because he wants to get out of it. Can their marriage be voided somehow?

  7. Arranged Marriage: The Problem

    You probably already know from my series of posts on marriage that I don’t like arranged marriages. They are obviously not the disaster that people in the West generally think they are. However, there is one big problem with them…

  8. Commenters Looking for Marriage

    I don’t understand how much interested/desperate some of my commenters are for marriage that they are not only looking for a spouse online, they are asking about it on a page about forced marriage. Here are some samples. SANT5OSH: WANT…

  9. Assalamu-alaikum,

    I wish to discuss a problem about forced marriage which happened recently.

    My friend was in love with a British-born Bangladeshi girl since last July and they loved each other very much and wished to get married.

    Their intentions were in the interest of both parties they didn’t want to run away but approach their respective families when they thought the time was right.

    Anyway this girl was taken to Bangladesh in December, in the hidden agenda that her nanny was ill and wanted to her very much, as she did not expect much she went along with her parents.

    Two days after they landed in Bangladesh, her mother approached her and told her that she must get married to someone they had already chosen and arranged for her.

    All this happened behind her back, she had no say in who she married, infact the guy she was forced to marry who is also a British-born Bangladeshi was turned down by her back in October. She told him about my friend and her and at the time it seemed he understood.

    Her father had a heartattack when she told him about my friend and her mother threatened to kill herself if she did not marry their chosen guy.

    Her mother even confessed that they knew all along what was happening back in the UK, but kept tight lipped in fear she might run away.

    She has decided to go along with the marriage for the sake of her family, but it can be said that she is never going to be happy in her life.

    I am aware this is against the principals of Islam and carries a heavy punishment for both her parents and the person who marrys forcefully.

    Could you please shed some light in what could be done about this inhuman act

    cheers

  10. hello!!!asalaam walikum…my name is rehana im married…to guy from bangladesh…he is already married since last six years…and last years he have one baby boy….i married to him 7months ago…now my husband want to divorcee his first wife….and she knws about my marriage….without her premission my husband got married to me….now she made an harassment case on my in.laws . for my husband……now husband trying for divorcee…pls suggest me how my husband will come..out off it…. n how many days it will take my husband was not happy,,,with his first wife from the day he got,,, married and that kid which born last year,,,,was an accident…..pls help me

  11. Asslamalikum

    I have been married for 4 years. my husband has not had sex with me for 3 months now. I heard that if this is the case our marriage is finished. is this true

  12. kaniz: You will have to check with an Islamic scholar. Or check the websites like sunnipath.com which answer such questions.

  13. Assalamu Alaikum,

    Thank you for posting your article. I’m currently stuck in this unwanted feeling and situation. I’m an Indonesian, who wants to marry an American, who just converted to Islam last year. He eagers to learn and practices the religions, including the fasting, shalah, etc. He is really trying to ask forgiveness to God for all his sins in the past. However, my parents do not want me to marry him because of his past, and also because they are not sure that I will still be able to practice the religion the right way if I marry him, especially if I live in America, though I have let them know that there are resources and Islamic community in America that we can join and everything. But they still say no. They do not even want to get to know or meet this man. I understand that they want the best things for me. They are afraid if they let me marry this man and there are problems in the future, God will punish them because they have give me permission to marry this man, which leads to that problems. However, I feel like I don’t have any say in this situation. I feel like they are listening but not understanding. If I end up marrying this man, I will still try to be a good muslim and practice of course. My religion is my principle, and I will not leave my religion and that is for sure. My parents say that if I decide to marry him then, they feel that it is best that we should not see each other anymore. I’m confuse. Because, why would my parents do that to me? I just do not understand. I do not want to just keep doing what my parents do when my heart says no, because I feel that that’s not right, because I’m lying. I do not know what else to do. Would you please give me some advice? Thank you,

    Wassalamu Alaikum,

    Dwi

  14. Dwi: I guess you could try convincing your parents that your religious convictions as well as those of the guy you want to marry are deeply held and also that you too love each other and do want to get married. Beyond that, I am not sure. Good luck!

  15. Asalamualikum,I wanted to say that my mother really wanted me to marry my cousin since a young age i knew that but never agreed we went on holiday to my country a few yeras ago and my mother really wanted me to marry him i had to agree with no choice everyone was against me at that time we got married we talked on the phone for nearly a year after and i just couldnt bring myself to love him anymore i dont know what to do i went back to my country last year again and realised that i had no feelings for him anymore i told him that and he said he was going to kill himself and if he had done that his mother wouldve done the same because that is her only son and his mother is also my mums sister so it will cause a realy big fight towards the family i didnt know what to do so i told him that i was joking im so stuck i cant braek my mums heart and also cant stay happy with this marriage also in islam it says you have to listen to your parents all the time please can you give me some advice on my email thank you.

  16. Dear S,
    if he is a good person then obey your mother and ask Allah for the love of that man in your heart,and insha Allah you feel it, because Allah says every ones heart is in between my two fingers on which side I want I can turn it,
    believe me its my own story now I married for 23 years Alhumdulilah have children and living a happy life,by the grace of Almighty Allah,

  17. 1) The only thing that the different fiqh schools show is that they have different and various opinions. Really depends who you ask. You extremists, anti-women preachers/scholars, imams, muftis etc. God created muslims as one people. Ahadith and these fiqh schools only scatter the majority into sects and sectarian difference will most like only increase.

    2) The main thing to be noticed is that God sent a messenger, Muhammad, to relate to mankind, a message. This message is known as the holy Qur’an. Anything besides that is – in my humble opinion – bidah (innovation) and only serves selfish and manmade causes. The basic conclusion being – it is manmade and nothing manmade can ever remotely compare to a divine message from God.

    3) If all things held equal then the Qur’an teaches us NOTHING, when it comes to “wali”, permissions, cast differences, family being more suitable for marriage. In fact God treats man and women alike and speaks of love in their hearts when they marry. Arranged and forced marriage is not just going against God, but also against the very basic nature of humans. We choose our own friends but we can not choose our own spouse?

    4) Walis do not always have the best of intentions. It is no secret that majority of muslims especiallyn from the south eastern parts of Asia, prefer their family members instead of other nationalities, casts, races, faiths etc.

    5) If you believe in GOD, then you are only responsible for him. You parents deserve (usually) respect but confusing respect with surrendering all soverignity as far as rights to marriage with whoever, right to study, right to work, right to be an individual is concerned, is ridiculous. Wake up and smell the coffee. If you follow in the footsteps of your parents you may please them but are you pleased? Is it fair of parents to want to interfere in every legal and adult decision of yours? Unless 90% actually fall in love with their cousin, there is no basis for inter family marriages other than the dominance and well racism of parents. That is not justified. When one day you are faced by God, he will not accept that you acted to please your parents and you acted badly or did something to hurt another human being. You are the only person responsible for your own actions. Nobody else, not your parents, Muhammad, the muftis, the imams. If humans were perfect this would not be applicable perhaps but fact remains. we are not eperfect and thus we should make our own decisions and live by them. If they turn out to be mistakes, then they are our mistakes.

    The wali perception and need has been invented by people who think they are mightier than God Himself, and who think God is apparently forgetful seeing as he forgot to give Muhammad this knowledge which could later serve as a part of the Qur’an. If the Qur’an is the ultimate and detailed guidance, which Allah states then what else do you need?

    Marry who ever you like and be happy. And parents must respect that it is your choice and live with it. If not then they may not be great parents afterall.

    I would never marry into my family. I believe in spreading your blood so I am indifferent to cast, race, creed, profession, and in some cases even faith, as I have met more non muslims who act as devout muslims, and too many muslims who act like devout atheists and display ignorance about their own faith, pick and choose what they have been brainwashed to believe. I will marry whoever treats me right, gives me respect and is loyal and trusts me – as I would be to him. Anything less is unacceptable.

  18. Salaam Alikeum Rayhan:

    I have to disagree with what you said regarding choosing a mate of your choice but listening to and trying to please parents as their motivation is one of love and concern for their child.

    I have discovered personally that this is the farthest thing from the truth regarding the culture and practices in Pakistani villages. The motivating factor seems to have nothing to do with their child’s desires/wishes but 99.9% to do what the parents think will be of greater benefit to them and their desires personally. Men are being forced to marry girls they don’t want to as well. Men are forced even into polygamous marriage arrangement by being forced to marry one of their parents choosing even if they voice their wishes to not marry a 2nd wife and wish to remain married to their 1st wife to please the parents. Quite frankly, too often the parents do not care for anything but themselves and their personal benefit. They follow culture rather than Islam in the villages and claim that the culture is Islamic when in fact the practices are a distortion of Allah’s word.

    May Allah protect us all from such deception and manipulation from those who are “supposed” to have our best interest at heart.

    Allah Hafiz

    “You should also consider the advise of your parents as their advise is
    motivated by their love and concern for you.”

    Mufti Ebrahim Desai

  19. Salam alykom brothers and sisters, I’m in need of despert help! i’ve known this girl for 7 years and iam 23 years old and she is 22. We love each other so much and want to be with each other so bad. Her father dose not like me because long time ago he found out that i was talking to her and kept telling me not to talk to her again , witch me and her couldnt stop doing. When i came to ask for her hand i spoke to her older married sister to convince her father that i want to come and ask for her hand. I have done that because i did not want her father refusing my dad witch could hurt him. When she spoke to the father he stopped her in the middle of the conversation and said ” I will never say yes to him weather iam dead or alive” he says that i have caused problems and that iam a lier, and all i do is problems. The father heard bad things about me from his family witch isnt true at all , you know people talk a lot these days. The father also said I know whats right for my daughter and if she wants him then let her marry him but i will take my hands off her and will never agree to it .The girl wants to be with me and she loves me so much and knows me very well. I pray to Allah 5 times a day, i Fear Allah (SWT) . I dont know what to do in my life, everything is over for me , its like her father shut the door on my face and ended my dreams and future because this girl is my future and my dreams. I cry daily and ask for Allah to help me. Should i let my father ask for her hand without letting my father know that his answer is NO or what sha’ll i do ? Her father wont meet with me so i could talk to him and convince him, and the girl is too shy to convince her father becaue he is also tempered. Please i’m despertley in need of help we are crazy about each other and want each other so bad , we just dont know what to do . Should i ask for her hand officaly and tell my dad to ask for her hand or what should i do ? thank u very much please reply to me asap becaue i’m realy going crazy, i cant sleep, i cant eat, i cant think. God Bless You and bless every muslim!

  20. salam alykum,
    I am british pakistani young lady and have been practising my religion for along time.unfortunately my family are wanting to take me to pakistan and get me married to someone who i do not like, for my parents sake i did try to communicate with the person they wish me to marry, however our thinking were totaly different… i have told my family i can not marry this person, but they have been abusive with me and are threatening to disown me. i am so emotionally depressed, as many proposals for me have come from within uk and even from pakistan from extremely good families but my family beleive my marraige will end up in a divorce, but if i marry this particular man they have chosen for me, i will stay happy… its like they are writing my naseeb… i do not know wat to do? i am so scared, shall i run away but then they will think i have ran away with someone when i havent,,,,,,, i dont know wat to do, as i do not have any other sibling to support me… i keep praying to god but then i feel as the time is closing onto me , and i start having suicidal thoughts i know ths is haram but what can i do, i dont want to marry this man,,,,, please help me

  21. Dear Lena,

    I will pray for you. I respect your religion but please cry out to God in the name of Jesus the Messiah. He said he is the only bridge between God and Man. God confirmed Jesus’ words by raising him from the dead. Ask God in Jesus name to bring you a friend who can pray for you. Please do not take your life. You are precious to God and as difficult as it may seem he is using this trial to bring you closer to Him. Picture your life in the palm of God’s loving hand. Again I will pray for you. Everyday.

  22. Dear Lena,

    Assalam Alikum, My advice to u is not to marry someone u dont want to, no matter how much pressure ur family is putting on u. Most likely u wont have feelings for tht person bcoz u wl take it as forced marriage and u wont be able to put any effort in it to make it work. Parents are just pressurising u but they wl b ok after sometime. Listen to whatever they say but make sure u dont make decision under any pressure. Sometimes in order to keep our parents happy, u end up ruining ur own life n then nobody is with u bcoz thy think its all ur own fault if marriage doesnt work out. I have very bad experience myself and im stuck now in my life and nobody is with me. I was forced to marry a guy i didnt like to but I agreed for the sake of my family’s izzat and bcoz my mum put alot of pressure on me. I could never accept him,every1 else was happy but me. I regret everyday for making such a huge mistake which has ruined my life and got me into so much trouble. My parents were happy but when I told thm tht im not happy in this marriage and dont see any reason staying in this marriage they all become abusive to me, they forcing me to stay with him or they will disown me and nobody wl talk to me. I have made it clear to them tht i cant live my life for them, I cant waste my life with somebody i have no felings for. I am commiting sin for not fulfilling his rights. I am no all alone with my decision to file for divorce and get out of it. I am suffering alot and its even more beiziti for the family. I regret so much tht I should have thought it earlier…I thought I will make it work n i wl b ok after some time but I was wrong. I would suggest u my sister tht dont ruin ur life under any pressure coz u wl have 2 options either stay with him n live dissatisfied life (if u dont like tht person after marriage) or go against ur family to get out of tht marriage.. I must tell u both options are very difficult and u wl end up in a depressing life with no peace of my mind. Take action now!! everything is in ur hand and Islam give u the right to say ur opinion. end of the day its ur life and u should be living the way u want. Think wisely and if u need any help or anything just let me know.. ok best of luck

  23. Salamz All,

    I was trying to do some research of forced marriages and what Islam has to say about taking parents complete satisfied consent. My name is Kainaat and I am 28 years old and am the sole breadwinner of the family. I have a younger brother who is still in University and an elder sister who is married. I had been friends with a guy of a similar intellect and background for 5 years. 2 years back he proposed and after much thought and consideration I accepted his proposal. His family knew me very well and his sister too had been a very good friend of mine. SHaring same backgrounds same moral, ethical and religious values, we were sure this would work out, but as soon as he was ready to settle down with a decent job enough to support his upcoming family, we would disclose this to our parents. He has no issues with me supporting my parents ad=nd we both are mature enough to understand our responsibilities according to Sharíah. Now he is ready but to our major surprize, his mother and sister, have completely gone against us. They say that I have a life long responsibility and that am not fit for their family settings since my attenstion will be divided and that will be unfair as the grooms parents. I should give them my 100%. They have been making up stories about me to contaminate his brains and he has been fightinf with them for the past 2 months. He has asked me to withdraw twice because he knows that his mother will NOT agree and will NEVER See his face if he makes this decision. She asked him to leave the house if he Marry’s me. She cannot leave her and therefore the only option he has is to leave me.
    My parents are very fond of him, and especially my father who has an accute condition of disability also has been very involved with him taking him as a son and now is very unhappy and depressed on this situation.
    His mother is going behind his back and finalizing other girls for his maariage so that he completely drifts away from me and is trying all her ways to manipulate him, but he disagrees and yet she is doing that. He says its very difficult and that we should not drag it.
    He and I love each other dearly and have waited for the right time for quite some time. We are mature individuals and I am VERY VERY confused and upset at the weakness of his attitude towards the whole thing, and am soooo ready to face all consequences even if adverse from his mother once we are married. But he is scared.
    What do I do?? My whole family, friends, everyone knows about us and that my parents will really suffer too if this doesn’t work out. He says he will suffer if he leaves the house. I agree and don’t want that to happen, I have high regards for anyone’s parents and yes very traditionally i want to live with his whole family and not just him alone. But their grounds to refute me… are they RIGHT?
    Can u please advise as to what can I do to help our relationship?? I Alhamdulillah pray 5 times a day and have been reading different recommended Duas from Alims and also have been trying to pray Tahajjud and Sala-tul-Tasbeeh daily… but am sooooo depressed and so stuck up in this situation. Can someone please help me?

  24. Its really ture i agree i hope this may help me with my case DO PRAY FOR ME AND MY LOVE…..

  25. Salamz!!

    I am still praying – he has taken his decision and according to that it is all over…. He didn’t give me any choice and so I am left here alone – Cannot answer any questions because my faith in ALlah is Much greater than anyone else’s decison and action – I know him – even he is in great pain and suffering but cannot do anything any more about it – But I will do something about it and be his Rock!! Though we are not in touch any more for now – but I have faith

    I am praying for myself and my better half (inshAllah) Allah SWA will give him stregnth and he will come back to me (Ameen) I have full faith in ALlah… and Murtaza I want you to keep in mind that it’s only faith that will keep us or break us in this life and the hereafter…

    And please do remember that what goes around comes around… Allah has his way and thats why without any valid reason according to Shariah – One must not take the risk of breaking hearts – A broken hearts prayer against us may shake our lives…

    May Allah help us all..

    Ameen…

  26. Assalamualikum-
    i am going through what feels like a forced marriage- i havenot accepted a rishta yet. i am not ready- i had made teh mistake of meeting aguy and got caught seen with him, and now my oparents are forcing me to get married. He wanted to ask for my hand, but his own father is tempered and is not ready for him to get enaggaed yet, what do i do? i have attempted to drown myself in the bath a few times, i act so careless. im dazed, failing in school. i cant do anything.
    please help me.
    i need advice and support from my fellow brothers and sisters out there.
    Allah Hafiz

    1. Zack, dude stop deleting my comments!!! I have my freedom of speech. I have rights. I have the right to say my opinion about this. Democracy at it’s best.

  27. salam walaikum
    I am in deep trouble , i am 24 years old and i like a man who is already married and is a Muslim,I am also a Muslim girl, the man visited my parents when my parents didnt know that he was married
    Now when they got to know that he is maaried ,they are refusing me,abusing me and are against me,
    I have repented to Allah (swt)
    for my relationship with him but i want to marry him , all my people are against me, and i dont want to marry anyone else,i had a relationship of 5 years with him and i want to be a good muslim wife.
    i need a advice on this
    Jazzakallah khair

  28. Salam
    In the name of Allah The Most HIgh and Most Kind,
    I am a 24 year old Muslim,I pray 5 times recite maximum dua, and have extreme trust in Allah(s-w-t).
    I like a man who is a muslim and of very good character, we know each other since 5 years,
    only the things were good but suddenly one day his younger sister ran away and married against her parents,
    from that day the misery started , he was forced to marry in his village by his relatives and leaving no option even though his parents knew me, i agreed to it as i liked him due to his character and goodness.He married just for namesake to please his parents
    i just thought that submission to Allah is greater than anything else, i dont have any problem with his wife,
    Even he likes me.
    I am extermely God fearing , and i have repented to Allah for the relationship with him and now i want to start a good life with him by marrying with my parents consent
    But my parents as they got to know he is married,are now abusing me, against me, they have even stopped talking to me,
    please i am need of help, as we both love each other and are true in our hearts,and are mature,please help me and advise me as i cannot even think to marry anyone else
    May Allah subhana wa taala reward yoy
    salam

  29. @rubina

    Rubina my dear sister. What you are doing is completely wrong. This is Haram. You have already committed haram. You need to find a life partner who is single and muslim. Stop doing this and find a good muslim man for yourself.

  30. Dear brother,
    My question is about the forced marriages in Islam.
    A 40 years old man married by force to 13 years old girls; she was raped by force the first night of the wedding, and this action continued for about five years, she was not even happy at all with this old man.
    During this five year they got two children, and then she was horribly in bad situation with him, after five years she got divorce from him because of strong punishment by her illegal husband.
    They did not pay attention to daughter consent.

    Now just let me know that are those two children are legal or illegal (unlawful) from the perspective of Islam?
    It’s happening a lot in Afghanistan by well known people who are well educated.
    Regards,
    Nadir Nadiri
    Journalist for Kabul Press

  31. well my dear brother,your question no 1 is that 40 year old person marry to 13 yrs old girl,that,s wrong,just to insult pakistan.if this think happen then there is a biggest capital punishment in pakistan,the man can go to jail for 67 years and hard work till his death,so please don,t considered on these columns.

  32. Some girls are very selfish. They don’t know anything about Islam and they don’t care about family values. Girls don’t care about there family’s prestige. It is sad that muslim girls are representing Islam in a wrong way.

  33. @anon.

    Hi, my problem is practically the same as #6 that was posted in 2005!
    I have been in love with a Muslim man for about a year now. His parents, knowing about our relation, tricked him into going back to his country and forcefully got him married to a girl. He did not sign any papers and the wedding was forced. He is back and with me again. But the problem is that his parents keep calling him to brainwash him and try toget him back to the girl. Though he doesnt love the girl, he doesnt want to lose his family. He is trying to prove that the marriage is not valid.
    Can you please help me? Is there someone who can tell me if this wedding is valid?

    1. @nikita

      If he did not sign on the nikkah paper. then the marriage was not valid. he can marry you. Also, he can marry you regardless. For muslim men they marry 4 different women. So, go ahead and marry him as long as with his consent and yours as well. good luck to you. Allah bless you both with happiness.

  34. Where does it say in ISLAM that it is okay for a girl to be forced into marriage. This is the worst thing that can happen to a man. I hope it never happens to someone else. I never dream of something like this happening to me.

    Volume 7, Book 62, Number 67:

    Narrated Abu Huraira:

    The Prophet said, “A matron should not be given in marriage except after consulting her; and a virgin should not be given in marriage except after her permission.” The people asked, “O Allah’s Apostle! How can we know her permission?” He said, “Her silence (indicates her permission).”

    Narrated By Abu Huraira : The Prophet said, “A virgin should not be married till she is asked for her consent; and the matron should not be married till she is asked whether she agrees to marry or not.” It was asked, “O Allah’s Apostle! How will she(the virgin) express her consent?” He said, “By keeping silent.” Some p…eople said, “If a virgin is not asked for her consent and she is not married, and then a man, by playing a trick presents two false witnesses that he has married her with her consent and the judge confirms his marriage as a true one, and the husband knows that the witnesses were false ones, then there is no harm for him to consummate his marriage with her and the marriage is regarded as valid.”

  35. If you don’t like and did not wanted to marry me. then why did you marry me. you should have told me before the nikkah. you are choi moi and not strong enough. you had so many chances to tell me. should have told me. you did me wrong.

  36. Islam is not adapted for indo-european peoples like indo-aryans and iranians.
    Those peoples should shift back to their original indo-european religion (hinduizm and zoroastrianizm)

    1. what are you talking about? what does this have to do with forced marriage in Islam. Girl being forced into marriage? are you for or against it? what are your views?
      Islam is a very beautiful religion. The problem is not with Islam. The problem is with the people abusing Islam, Not following Islam the proper way!!! Can you elaborate your statement please!!!

  37. salam o alikum miranda, amaer,ireane this is for you who converted to islam…..

    Im a pakistani born and growed up in australia its very hard to be a pakistani i m married to a women that i never knew her never saw her i was gone to my brthers wedding in pakistan = wen i got caught up and family pressure and all that i knew when i came back that i m married to some one i dont like…………….
    and i m living a very hard life even though i have a perfect wife and has all the best things you would want in a wife but we are two compleate differnt people i growed up in australia and she was grown in a village where girls cant walk out off the house not puting her down or any thing but she perfect but not for me….. its hard to live a life witch you dont want to im not happy theres so much stress in the house my parents are ill and everything tured out very bad last year i asked for a divorce and was told u will destroy all your family if u do this bla bla bla and i have a wife who says do wat ever keep me in the worst of worst dont divorce me and i cant i feel sorry for at the same time im going mentlly ill…

    pakistani mix culture and religion witch should not happen ……

    and parents if u go agianst them u cant win u go with em u cant win wats the way out cant the parents understand goddd

    jst pray to allah and seek help from the almighty to me theres no other way out

  38. assalamualaikum

    I’m 23 yrs old doctor from India. I’m suffering in a forced marriage with a 10 yrs senior gynaecologist of my college. I never wanted to marry him. I rejected him on the very first day he sent proposal in my home. But he was shameless. I loved my best friend who was also of my religion but of different language.My family was against him. We had planned to convince our family after we get graduated. But when I went home after finals I was forced into marriage.I didnot signed anything. I requested him not to marry me. I told him I’l never love him but he didnt care. He knows I love someone else. I cannot forgive him. I hate him & asked for making the marriage null & void since it was not consumated. But he will never divorce me. My family doesnot want to help me because of social pressure. The Muslim society here is very conservative & ignorant. There is no one to help me. Please advise me how to get out of this disaster marriage……

    1. I hope you did not marry him. If you need any counseling. Plz, contact me ASAP!!! Do not marry this person. Don’t let things control you. Take control of your own life. Take care 🙂

  39. stop deleting my comments. I have the right to write whatever I want. Please, I have been through a lot of bullshit.

  40. Well, if you let anger control you. then things will get worst. Just take upon yourself to make it a better life for yourself.

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